Thank you Scott Adams for making my day:
Do you ever have moments when you think you may have spontaneously developed a super power? This happens to me a lot. For example, the other day I heard some sounds in the distance and my first thought was I wonder if normal people can hear that? For some reason, I felt as though I had developed super hearing. I’m optimistic that way.
I also spend way too much time staring at objects and trying to make them burst into flames. I realize it’s a long shot, but how do your really know unless you try?
I grew up reading Superman and Spider-Man comics, so I take for granted that sooner or later I’ll have a freak accident that gives me a super power. It’ll hurt when it happens, for sure, but it will be worth it. I just hope it’s not a crappy super power, such as the ability to add long columns of numbers in my head, or the power to eat an unlimited amount of eggs. I want the kind where I can kill people and impress people and ultimately kill the people who refuse to be impressed. And the witnesses too, of course.
Apparently I’ll be quite busy. So if it’s not too much to ask, I’d also like a second freak accident that gives me the ability to secrete caffeine from my tonsils directly into my throat.
Hey, did you hear that?
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One of my co-workers (who is originally from Arkansas, just FYI) told me one day that he knew for a fact that sex feels better for women than it does for men. I asked, “How do you figure that?” His reply was (and I am not making this up!), “Because when you put your finger in your ear and wiggle it around, it feels better to your ear than it does to your finger.”
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Dear Dogbert,
Why do bad things happen to good people?
Marty
Dear Barfy,
God loves you. Unfortunately, the alien overlords who put you on this planet are using you to test cosmetics.
Sincerely,
Dogbert
==
Dear Dogbert,
Are golfers athletes?
Ned
Dear Nerd,
Yes, in the same way that moss is salad.
Sincerely,
Dogbert
